Lawyers Jokes
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Lawyers Jokes

This page contains 10 Lawyers Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Lawyers Jokes first.

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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, 'You can't take it with you.'
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.
He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.
His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.
'Oh, that darned old fool,' she exclaimed.
'I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.'

Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.
They ask for a ransom 20 million dollars, and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for...

Two lawyers are leaving the office.
'I can't wait to get home,' says one of them.
'As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off.'
'I know the feeling,' the other says.
'No, I'm serious,' says the first.
'They're killing me.'

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, 'Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon.
Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.'
The engineer replied, 'But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer.
Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.'
Then, the lawyer spoke up.
'Yes,'
he said, 'But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?'

What do you call an honest lawyer?
An oxymoron!

There was a lawyer who just had a surgery.
When he woke up he found himself in a dark room, the blinds shut and the door closed.
Then the nurse walked in and saw the lawyer awake.
The lawyer then asks the nurse, 'Why are all the blinds closed and every thing so dark?'
'There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to wake up and thought you died!'

Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer 1.
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
2.
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
3.
Your lawyer picks the jury by playing 'duck-duck-goose.'
4.
Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
5.
A prison guard is shaving your head.

It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

What do you call throwing all the lawyers in the ocean?
A good start!

95% of all lawyers, give the rest a bad name!




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