Lawyers Jokes
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Lawyers Jokes

This page contains 10 Lawyers Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Lawyers Jokes first.

Thank You!

Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
'All set back here, Captain,'
came the reply, 'except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.'

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
'Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,'
instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated.
'But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,'
she protested.
'Then,' said the attorney, 'just whisper them to the judge.'

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, 'Where are we?'
The man yells back, 'About a half mile from town.'
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, 'He must have been a lawyer.'
The other says, 'A lawyer!
How do you know that?'
The first says, 'That's easy.
The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant.'

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
'NOOO!'
he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, 'MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!'
he exclaimed.
'You're a lawyer aren't you?'
asked the policeman.
'Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!'
the lawyer asked.
'HA!
You lawyers are always so materialistic.
All you care about is your possessions.
I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?'
the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and cried, 'MY ROLEX!'

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?
When his lips are shut!

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, 'What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?'
'I give it to them,'
replied the lawyer, 'and then I send them a bill.'
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy!

Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer 1.
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
2.
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
3.
Your lawyer picks the jury by playing 'duck-duck-goose.'
4.
Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
5.
A prison guard is shaving your head.

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.
'How?s business?' asked the first.
'Rotten,'
replied the other.
'Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles.
When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.'




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