An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.
The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed.
Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts.
Then the preacher said, "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."
So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart.
And the little old man put his hands on his crotch.
The little old lady turned to her husband and said, "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
There was an old couple sitting at a table.
The old man said to the old lady, "I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table."
The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds."
The old man said, "Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?"
So they both stripped.
The old woman said, "You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago."
a The old man replied, "I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."
There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking.
One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"
The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"
The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"
The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer.
The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India.
I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me.
Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us.
I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled.
The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR!
I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"