The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
I'd pat my own back but my ego is too busy shaking my hand.
Appreciate how some people don't come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
You should know, that no one understood it was an April fool's joke because no one expected you have a sense of humor.
My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.
Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Do people who go to the gym to "feel the burn" know nothing of Mexican food?
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.