Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?
My computer's got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
There are no winners in life ...only survivors.
How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
It doesn't matter how much you work, there will always be an asshole that works less but gets more.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home