I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so i'll know it's a match
It's better to be a worldwide alcoholic, than an Alcoholic Anonymous.
'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."'
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.
This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.
About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.