A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes". She took away the extra chair in front of me.
I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me.
There are 12 things, people do when they haven't prepared a speech. They lie, tell stories and exaggerate.
You look like a person that would exchange one of your chromosomes for a Big Mac.
I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!
A woman is like a parachute - can refuse at any time, that's why you need to have a spare one.
You know you're fat when you step on the scale and it says "one at a time please".
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.