Religious Jokes
Home / Funny jokes / Religious Jokes

Religious Jokes

This page contains 10 Religious Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Religious Jokes first.

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag.
'Hi, God.
What's in the bag?'
asked Eve.
'These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in.'
God rummages around in the bag a moment.
'Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?'
Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically.
'Me!
Me!
Me!
Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it!
Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up!
And it would help so much when I'm out hunting!
Oh, please, please, please let me have it!'
'Well, all right,'
says God.
'Now, let's see what we have for you, Eve.'
God rummages about a bit more in the bag.
'Ah, right.
Multiple orgasms.'

An old man from a far off land was once on the subway in New York and he sat down next to a younger man.
He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.
Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man: 'Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?'
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered: 'I wear this collar because I am a Father'.
The old man thought a second and responded: 'Sir I am also a Father but I wear my collar front-ways.
Why do you wear your collar so differently?'
The priest thought for a minute and said: 'Sir, I am the father for many.'
The old man quickly answered: 'I too am the father of many.
I have four sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count.
But I wear my collar like everyone else does.'
'Why do you wear it your way?'
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out: 'Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people!'
The old man from the far-away country was taken aback and was silent for a long time.
As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said: 'Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards.'

Adam and God were walking in the garden one day.
Adam asked God, 'why did you make Eve so beautiful?'
God said, 'Adam, so that you would love Eve.'
Adam, 'But, why did you make her so stupid?'
God, 'So that she would love you.'

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.
The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, 'you do God?s work.'
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, 'you protect the public.'
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, 'you serve the justice system.'
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

Three men go to a church and ask to be forgiven for their sins.
The priest asks the first man what he did.
The man replies, 'I robbed a bank.'
The 2nd man tells the priest he killed a man.
The priest says that is really bad and to go drink the holy water and he will be forgiven.
The third man starts to laugh, so the priest asks him: 'And what sin have you committed?'
The third man replies, 'I pissed in the holy water!'

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window.
?Young lady,?
he began, ?I would like three pickets to titsburg.?
Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached.
?Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh,?
he began, ?and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.?
So, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third.
?Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes.
And I must say,?
he continued, ?if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St.
Finger?s going to shake his peter at you.?

Three nuns die and are at the gates of heaven and St.
Peter pops up and says 'Before you enter heaven you must each answer one question correctly'.
The first Nun was asked 'Who was the first man on earth?'
to which she replied 'Adam'
and was allowed into heaven.
The second Nun was asked 'Who was the first woman on earth?'
to which she replied 'Eve'
and was allowed into heaven.
The third Nun was asked 'What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?'
to which she replied 'Ohh!
That's a hard one'

St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.
'Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?' he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.
'I was a good father,' he answers.
'Yes, but you were a drunk all your life.
In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry.
No admittance.'
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, 'Come on, Penny, let's get out of here!'

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.
An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.
'How did you know I was speeding?'
the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly towards the sky.
'You mean,' asked the motorist, 'that even He is against me?'

An Illinois lady left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.
Her husband was on a business trip and was planning to meet her there the next day.
When she reached her hotel, she decided to send her husband a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which she had written his email address, she did her best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, she missed one letter and her note was directed instead to an elderly widow, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST HONEY: JUST GOT CHECKED IN.
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.




1 (2) 3 4 5 6 7

Categories:
Animal Bad Bar Dumb Blonde Celebrity Cheesy Chicken Christmas Chuck Norris Clean Computer Corny Dad Dark Humor Doctor Dirty Donald Trump Easter Fat For Kids Funny Riddles Funny Quotes Little Johnny Gay Gender Good Halloween Knock Knock Lawyer Lightbulb Jokes Military Old People One Liner Jokes Ponderisms Puns Redneck Relationship Religious School Short Jokes Silly Skeleton Valentines Day Yo Mama


Funny jokes