Religious Jokes
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Religious Jokes

This page contains 10 Religious Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Religious Jokes first.

The head of the monastery wanted to check how strong his priests are in resisting temptetion.
He called 3 of them to his room, and ordered them to put a small bell on their penis.
After that, he went to the first guy, and showed him a picture of a gorgeous naked girl.
'Gling Gling', went the bell, and the head of the monastary was furious: 'you call yourself a monk?
you are as weak as a baby!'.
He went then to the second guy, and showed him a cover of a dirty porn movie.
'Gling Gling', went the bell.
'you are a disgrace!
get out of my sight!'.
Almost in complete dispair, he went to the thirs guy and showed him a cover of a porn-magazine.
There was silent.
'Way to go, son, you are the only man here worth to be call a monk', the head of the monastery said, while putting his hand on him.
'Gling Gling', went the bell.


A man dies and goes to Heaven.
He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
'Sure,'
GOD says, 'Go right ahead'.
'OK,'
the man says.
'Why did you make women so pretty?'
GOD says, 'So you would like them.'
'OK,'
the guy says.
'But how come you made them so beautiful?'
'So you would LOVE them', GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, 'But why did you make them such airheads?'
GOD says, 'So they would love you!'


Three Rooms in Hell
A guy dies and is sent to Hell.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks.
The guy says 'no, let me see the next room.'
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses.
Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room.
People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries.
The guy says, 'I pick this room.'
Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee.
On the way out Satan yells, 'O.K., coffee break's over.
Everyone back on your heads!'


3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, 'When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, 'I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says, 'I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.'
The last guy replies, 'I would like to hear them say...
LOOK, HE'S MOVING!'


A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She pleads, 'Please God, save my only grandson!
I beg of you, bring him back!'
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says, 'He had a hat!


Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.
God asked him, 'What is wrong with you?'
Adam replied that he was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, 'What will this woman cost?'
God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'
Adam thought a moment and asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'


A team of archaeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David on the wall.
The head archaeologist points to the first drawing.
'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem.' he says.
'The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil.
The shovel means they were able to forge tools.
Even further proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they would take to the sea for food.
The last symbol is the Star of David, telling us they were Hebrews.'
The second archaeologist shakes his head.
'Hebrew is read from right to left', he explains.
'It says, 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!''


A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer'
from 'give us this day our daily bread'
to 'give us this day our daily chicken.'
The Pope refused his offer.
Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from 'give us this day our daily bread'
to 'give us this day our daily chicken'
and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer.
Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted.
The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, 'I have some good news and some bad news.
'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars.
The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!''


After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God.
Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her.
Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: 'Lord, Eve is beautiful.
Why did you make her so beautiful?'
God: 'So you will always want to look at her.'
Adam: 'Lord, her skin is so soft.
Why did you make her skin so soft?'
God: 'So you will always want to touch her.'
Adam: 'She always smells so good.
Lord, why did you make her smell so good?'
God: 'So you will always want to be near her.'
Adam: 'That's wonderful Lord...
and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?'
God: 'So she would love you!'


'God,' said Adam, 'Why did you make Eve so beautiful?'
'So you would love her.'
'But why did you make her so dumb?'
'So she would love you.'





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