The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl. After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He said, "Shree Hill." Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He also said, "Shree Hill." Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been. And he said, "On top of Shree Hill." Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, "Who are you?" And she said, "Shree Hill."
Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure? The blonde, she was 18!
One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, "Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?" Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact. The girl responded, "It was a prank call."
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste." After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths. After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
Creative Writing A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
A teacher is preparing her class for a big exam tomorrow and she says "I will not except any excuses for skipping tomorrows exam." Except when a close relative dies or you break two limbs and are in Hospital..." A few more terrible things that can happen to a person are said. After the teacher has finished speaking the class clown puts up his hand and says "Miss, what happens if we give you the excuse that we are sexually exhausted?" After some sniggering the teacher replies "Well if suppose you will just have to use your other hand to write with."
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?" Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette" The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
So George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one’s been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions. A little boy raises his hand. "Okay, you," says George, smiling. "What’s your name?" "Billy." "Billy. And what’s your question?" "I have three questions," Billy says. "First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden?" George is taken aback. "Uh, those are really hard questions," he says. Just then the bell rings. "Whoops, time for recess!" George says. "Guess I’ll have to answer your questions when recess is over." After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says "Okay, who’s got a question?" A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him. "What’s your name?" George asks. "Steve." "Okay, Steve. What’s your question?" "I have five questions," Steve says. "First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden? Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?"