School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl.
After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He also said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been.
And he said, 'On top of Shree Hill.'
Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, 'Who are you?'
And she said, 'Shree Hill.'

One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, 'Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?'
Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay.
Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet.
But, within a minute, she was back.
Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact.
The girl responded, 'It was a prank call.'

Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette, and a blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde, she was 18!

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game.
She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand.
The teacher says, 'See it's long neck?
What animal has a long neck?'
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
'Very good Sally', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up their hands.
'See the stripes on this animal?
What animal has stripes?'
Billy holds up his hand and says, 'It is a zebra!'
'Very good Billy', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer.
None of the students holds up their hand.
'See the big antlers on this animal.
What animal has horns like this?'
Still no one guesses.
'Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father.'
Johnny shouts out, 'I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!'

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, 'What animal is this?'
'A cat!'
said Suzy.
'Good job!
Now, what's this animal?'
'A dog!'
said Ricky.
Now what animal is this?'
she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent.
After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, 'It's what your mom calls your dad.'
'A horny bastard!'
called out Eddie.

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation.
He took out a jar of yellow liquid.
'This', he explained, 'is urine.
To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste.'
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.
His class watched in amazement, most in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head.
'If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth.'

So George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one's been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions.
A little boy raises his hand.
'Okay, you,'
says George, smiling.
'What's your name?'
And what's your question?'
'I have three questions,'
Billy says.
'First, why did you go to war without UN approval?
Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes?
Third, where's Osama bin Laden?'
George is taken aback.
'Uh, those are really hard questions,'
he says.
Just then the bell rings.
'Whoops, time for recess!'
George says.
'Guess I'll have to answer your questions when recess is over.'
After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says 'Okay, who's got a question?'
A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him.
'What's your name?'
George asks.
'Okay, Steve.
What's your question?'
'I have five questions,'
Steve says.
'First, why did you go to war without UN approval?
Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes?
Third, where's Osama bin Laden?
Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early?
And fifth, what happened to Billy?'

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
'Just to establish some parameters,' said the professor to the student from Arkansas, 'What is the opposite of joy?'
'Sadness,' said the student.
And the opposite of depression?'
he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
'Elation,' said she.
'And you sir,'
he said to the young man from Texas, 'how about the opposite of woe?'
The Texan replied, 'Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.'

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.
Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, 'Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?'
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, 'I think Mommy ate it!'

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools


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