School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

The teacher ask leaner what they going to do when they finesh school.
Teacher: Thabo what u like to be when u done at school.Thabo: mam i will be a police man then he setdown.
Tearcher:and u Thabang.Thabang: mam me i will be a business men and with a big house with many wife and one priestetude and i will give that priestetude a lot of money.Teacher what about you John.John stendup with confident'me mam i will be a priesttude of Thabang

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking... surely I cannot look that old?
You may enjoy this short story.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago.
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
he replied.
'When did you graduate?'
I asked.
He answered, 'In 1971.
'You were in my class!'
I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, 'What did you teach?'

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says 'OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red'
Little Suzy pipes up 'I know, it's a tomato'.
'No but you're thinking, it's an apple'
replies the teacher.
So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says 'I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it'
'Go to the principals office'
says the teacher.
'No but you're thinking', say Johnny, 'It's a quarter'

This teacher says to his class and says, 'I will ask you a question, if you get it right, I will let you go home, if you get it wrong you all get detention.
Right, the first question is how many liters of water are there in the pacific ocean?'
No one knew so they all got detention.
The next day the teacher said, 'Same rules apply as yesterday now how many grains of sand are there on Yarmouth beach?'
No one knew so they all got detention.
Then the next day some one brought a box of Maltesers.
As the teacher was about to tell the joke, the boy threw the Maltesers on the floor.
The teacher said, 'Ok who's the comedian with the brown balls?'
Some one shouted, 'Lenny Henry!'

Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: 'A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
Now, what does each get?'
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, 'A lawyer!'

College rules On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: 'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180.
Are there any questions?'
One student raised his hand and asked, 'How much for a season pass?'

What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Florida have in common?
They both end up in trailer parks!

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, 'What animal is this?'
'A cat!'
said Suzy.
'Good job!
Now, what's this animal?'
'A dog!'
said Ricky.
Now what animal is this?'
she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent.
After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, 'It's what your mom calls your dad.'
'A horny bastard!'
called out Eddie.

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then Little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?'
To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.'

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.
Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, 'Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?'
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, 'I think Mommy ate it!'


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