Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette, and a blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde, she was 18!
The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl.
After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He also said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been.
And he said, 'On top of Shree Hill.'
Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, 'Who are you?'
And she said, 'Shree Hill.'
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, 'What animal is this?'
Now, what's this animal?'
Now what animal is this?'
she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent.
After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, 'It's what your mom calls your dad.'
'A horny bastard!'
called out Eddie.
One year in a strict school, all the teenagers started wearing lip-stick in school.
The school principal, thought this wasn't a problem, until they started leaving lip marks on the bathroom mirrors and walls.
After a couple of months, the principal thought it had gone too far.
So the she called a meeting in the girls bathroom with all the teenagers, and asked them to explain this awful behavior, the girls said nothing, so the principal asked the janitor to show the girls how hard it was to clean the lip prints off, so the janitor got out a sponge, dipped it into a toilet and started to rub off the lip marks.
Since then, there have been no more lip-stick-marks!
One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, 'Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?'
Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay.
Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet.
But, within a minute, she was back.
Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact.
The girl responded, 'It was a prank call.'
What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Florida have in common?
They both end up in trailer parks!
Here is a teacher that is waiting for her students to arrive to school none of them arrive yet she still waiting for all twenty students ten minutes later 5 students arive the teacher says where were you?
They say on top of the blue berry mountain.
Another ten minutes later another five students came in the teacher says where were you?
The students say on top of the blueberry mountain another ten minutes later another five students came in and the teacher says where were you and they say on top of the blueberry mountain then finally the last ten minutes later and the last five students come in and the teacher says where were you and the students say on top of the blueberry mountain then this naked woman comes in the class,and the teacher says I AM THE BLUEBERRY MOUNTAIN!
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game.
She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand.
The teacher says, 'See it's long neck?
What animal has a long neck?'
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
'Very good Sally', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up their hands.
'See the stripes on this animal?
What animal has stripes?'
Billy holds up his hand and says, 'It is a zebra!'
'Very good Billy', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer.
None of the students holds up their hand.
'See the big antlers on this animal.
What animal has horns like this?'
Still no one guesses.
'Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father.'
Johnny shouts out, 'I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!'
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
'Just to establish some parameters,' said the professor to the student from Arkansas, 'What is the opposite of joy?'
'Sadness,' said the student.
And the opposite of depression?'
he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
'Elation,' said she.
'And you sir,'
he said to the young man from Texas, 'how about the opposite of woe?'
The Texan replied, 'Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.'
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools