A teacher is preparing her class for a big exam tomorrow and she says "I will not except any excuses for skipping tomorrows exam." Except when a close relative dies or you break two limbs and are in Hospital..." A few more terrible things that can happen to a person are said. After the teacher has finished speaking the class clown puts up his hand and says "Miss, what happens if we give you the excuse that we are sexually exhausted?" After some sniggering the teacher replies "Well if suppose you will just have to use your other hand to write with."
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
So George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one’s been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions. A little boy raises his hand. "Okay, you," says George, smiling. "What’s your name?" "Billy." "Billy. And what’s your question?" "I have three questions," Billy says. "First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden?" George is taken aback. "Uh, those are really hard questions," he says. Just then the bell rings. "Whoops, time for recess!" George says. "Guess I’ll have to answer your questions when recess is over." After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says "Okay, who’s got a question?" A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him. "What’s your name?" George asks. "Steve." "Okay, Steve. What’s your question?" "I have five questions," Steve says. "First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden? Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?"
One year in a strict school, all the teenagers started wearing lip-stick in school. The school principal, thought this wasn't a problem, until they started leaving lip marks on the bathroom mirrors and walls. After a couple of months, the principal thought it had gone too far. So the she called a meeting in the girls bathroom with all the teenagers, and asked them to explain this awful behavior, the girls said nothing, so the principal asked the janitor to show the girls how hard it was to clean the lip prints off, so the janitor got out a sponge, dipped it into a toilet and started to rub off the lip marks. Since then, there have been no more lip-stick-marks!
One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, "Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?" Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact. The girl responded, "It was a prank call."
The Differences In Graduates: A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?" A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Book Report Students were assigned to read two books, "Titanic" and "My Life", by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. His professor had a sense of humor and gave the student an A+ for his report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over three hours to read Clinton: Over three hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember jack. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica... ooh, let's not go there either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically the same thing.
Guess why the bog eyed teacher is getting sacked A. Because she cant control her pupils
The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl. After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He said, "Shree Hill." Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He also said, "Shree Hill." Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been. And he said, "On top of Shree Hill." Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, "Who are you?" And she said, "Shree Hill."
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job! Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.