Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, 'What animal is this?'
Now, what's this animal?'
Now what animal is this?'
she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent.
After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, 'It's what your mom calls your dad.'
'A horny bastard!'
called out Eddie.
One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says 'OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red'
Little Suzy pipes up 'I know, it's a tomato'.
'No but you're thinking, it's an apple'
replies the teacher.
So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says 'I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it'
'Go to the principals office'
says the teacher.
'No but you're thinking', say Johnny, 'It's a quarter'
The teacher ask leaner what they going to do when they finesh school.
Teacher: Thabo what u like to be when u done at school.Thabo: mam i will be a police man then he setdown.
Tearcher:and u Thabang.Thabang: mam me i will be a business men and with a big house with many wife and one priestetude and i will give that priestetude a lot of money.Teacher what about you John.John stendup with confident'me mam i will be a priesttude of Thabang
Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: 'A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.
Now, what does each get?'
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, 'A lawyer!'
College rules On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: 'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180.
Are there any questions?'
One student raised his hand and asked, 'How much for a season pass?'
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game.
She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand.
The teacher says, 'See it's long neck?
What animal has a long neck?'
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
'Very good Sally', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.
None of the students holds up their hands.
'See the stripes on this animal?
What animal has stripes?'
Billy holds up his hand and says, 'It is a zebra!'
'Very good Billy', the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer.
None of the students holds up their hand.
'See the big antlers on this animal.
What animal has horns like this?'
Still no one guesses.
'Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father.'
Johnny shouts out, 'I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!'
This teacher says to his class and says, 'I will ask you a question, if you get it right, I will let you go home, if you get it wrong you all get detention.
Right, the first question is how many liters of water are there in the pacific ocean?'
No one knew so they all got detention.
The next day the teacher said, 'Same rules apply as yesterday now how many grains of sand are there on Yarmouth beach?'
No one knew so they all got detention.
Then the next day some one brought a box of Maltesers.
As the teacher was about to tell the joke, the boy threw the Maltesers on the floor.
The teacher said, 'Ok who's the comedian with the brown balls?'
Some one shouted, 'Lenny Henry!'
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking... surely I cannot look that old?
You may enjoy this short story.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago.
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
'When did you graduate?'
He answered, 'In 1971.
'You were in my class!'
He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, 'What did you teach?'
What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Florida have in common?
They both end up in trailer parks!
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, 'How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?'
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, 'A basketball coach?'