School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: 'Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.'
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: 'What chair?'

There was a boy and his teacher asked him to write 5 words as a home work and the boy was going home and by the way of his home he heard a guy saying ladies first he wrote that on the paper his teacher gave him and he heard someone saying stupid,99,000,i love u and his sister saying o yeah,i promise,and by the next day his teacher asked if he had done his home work and he continued to tell her his home work he said stupid,i love u the teacher said me he said i promise she said lets go to the principal he said ladies first, the principal asked him if he had disturbed he said oh yea,oh yea then the principal said how many times he said 99,000 times

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then Little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?'
To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.'

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.
Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class.
There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics.
First, you must have no fear.
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpses anus and licked it.
Now you must do the same, he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation.
For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger?

What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Florida have in common?
They both end up in trailer parks!

Little Billy
One Wednesday, little Billy went to school.
The teacher said, 'For the next three days, I will be asking a trivia question, if anyone answers any of them correctly, they won't have to come to school on Monday.
The first question was, 'How many grains of sand are on all the world's beaches?'
No one knew, not even little Billy.
Suddenly, a paper airplane flew across the room.
'Okay,' said the exasperated teacher, 'who's the comedian with the paper airplane?'
No one knew, not even little Billy.
On Thursday, the question was, 'How many stars are there in the Milky Way?'
No one knew, not even little Billy.
Suddenly, a gigantic, phlegm soaked spit wad embedded itself on the blackboard behind the teacher.
'Okay,' exclaimed the frustrated teacher, 'who's the comedian with the spit wad?'
No one knew, not even little Billy.
On Friday, little Billy brought to school with him two, large, black bowling balls and hid them under his desk.
At the precise moment before the teacher asked the day's trivia question, Billy rolled the two bowling balls down the aisle and they struck the wall behind the teacher with a massive jolt.
'Okay,' huffed the now infuriated teacher, 'who's the comedian with the big black balls?'
Little Billy answered quickly,  'Eddie Murphy, see you next Tuesday.'

After school billy sees two nuns walking on the street so he says'hello'.he goes to his mum and says'mum mum,i saw two nuns walking on the street'what did you say' she asks'hello'.
'you dont say hello you say god bless you'.
the next day after school he sees a man weeing under a wall and he says'god bless you'.he goes to his mum and says 'mum mum,i saw a man weeing under a wall'mum says'what did you say?'.'god bless you'she says'you dont say god bless you, you say dont you have a loo at home!' the next day after school billy sees a dog weeing under a tree and says'dont you have a loo at home.'

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was.
Nobody she gave them a clue, 'It has a long neck.' One kid answered, 'Giraffe!'
Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra.
Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue.
'This animal has stripes.' 'Zebra!'
one kid answered.
So she put up another one, that of a deer.
The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them 'what does your mother call your father?' Suddenly one child got up and answered 'HORNY BASTARD!'

Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette and a blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde, she was 18!

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