School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

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A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then Little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?'
To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.'


A very self-important university freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
'You grew up in a different world.
Actually, an almost primitive one,'
the student said loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.
'The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon and our spaceships have visited Mars.
We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light speed processing and...,'
pausing to take another drink of beer.
The senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, 'You're right, son.
We didn't have those things when we were young.
We invented them!
Now, tell me, what are you doing for the next generation'?
The applause was resounding.


There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was.
Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, 'It has a long neck.' One kid answered, 'Giraffe!'
Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra.
Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue.
'This animal has stripes.' 'Zebra!'
one kid answered.
So she put up another one, that of a deer.
The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them 'what does your mother call your father?' Suddenly one child got up and answered 'HORNY BASTARD!'


An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.
Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class.
There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics.
First, you must have no fear.
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpses anus and licked it.
Now you must do the same, he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation.
For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger?


After school billy sees two nuns walking on the street so he says'hello'.he goes to his mum and says'mum mum,i saw two nuns walking on the street'what did you say' she asks'hello'.
'you dont say hello you say god bless you'.
the next day after school he sees a man weeing under a wall and he says'god bless you'.he goes to his mum and says 'mum mum,i saw a man weeing under a wall'mum says'what did you say?'.'god bless you'she says'you dont say god bless you, you say dont you have a loo at home!' the next day after school billy sees a dog weeing under a tree and says'dont you have a loo at home.'


There was a boy and his teacher asked him to write 5 words as a home work and the boy was going home and by the way of his home he heard a guy saying ladies first he wrote that on the paper his teacher gave him and he heard someone saying stupid,99,000,i love u and his sister saying o yeah,i promise,and by the next day his teacher asked if he had done his home work and he continued to tell her his home work he said stupid,i love u the teacher said me he said i promise she said lets go to the principal he said ladies first, the principal asked him if he had disturbed he said oh yea,oh yea then the principal said how many times he said 99,000 times


According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.


Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette and a blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde, she was 18!


In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, 'How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?'
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, 'A basketball coach?'


First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, 'In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.'
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
'Go ahead and do the same thing,'!
he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, 'The second most important quality is observation.
I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.'





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