School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette, and a blonde.
Which one had the best figure?
The blonde, she was 18!


The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
'Just to establish some parameters,' said the professor to the student from Arkansas, 'What is the opposite of joy?'
'Sadness,' said the student.
And the opposite of depression?'
he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
'Elation,' said she.
'And you sir,'
he said to the young man from Texas, 'how about the opposite of woe?'
The Texan replied, 'Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.'


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother,'
she asked, 'is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered, 'thou shall not kill.'


thier was this kid that always got picked on at school.
everyday his friends and kids that whent to school always said to him f**k you.well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
one day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
he yelled 'pah'and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy?
the boy said 'pah'
what does f**k mean.
and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean.
pah then yelled out 'mah'
get down here son want sto know what f**k mean.
mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your posission.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah.'uh huh'watch your pah go to work.
then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin?
the boy turns his head and with a smile he says they fuckin.
sister says what does f**k mean.
WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH'uh huh'
WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.


A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.
'In English,'
he said, 'A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'


On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: 'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180.
Are there any questions?'
'How much for a season pass?'



Guess why the bog eyed teacher is getting sacked A.
Because she cant control her pupils


MIT Letter Here is a great letter from MIT to a prospective student and that student's response.
Mr.
John T.
Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 94123-4567 Dear John: You've got the grades.
You've certainly got the PSAT scores.
And now you've got a letter from MIT.
Maybe you're surprised.
Most students would be.
But you're not most students.
And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT.
It certainly got my attention!
Engineering's not for you?
No problem.
It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.
What?
Of course, you don't want to be bored.
Who does?
Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it's also *fun*.
MIT students are imaginative and creative - inside and outside the classroom.
You're interested in athletics?
Great!
MIT has more varsity teams - 39 - than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.
You think we're too expensive?
Don't be too sure.
We've got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution?
Why not do it right now?
Sincerely, Michael C.
Benhke Director of Admissions P.S.
If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, 'Insight,'
just check the appropriate box on the form.
May 5, 1994 Michael C.
Behnke MIT Director of Admissions Office of Admissions, Room 3-108 Cambridge MA 02139-4307 Dear Michael: You've got the reputation.
You've certainly got the pomposity.
And now you've got a letter from John Mongan.
Maybe you're surprised.
Most universities would be.
But you're not most universities.
And that's exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.
The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan's future education.
It certainly got my attention!
Don't want Bio-Chem students?
No problem.
It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.
What?
Of course you don't want egotistical jerks.
Who does?
I *am* self-indulgent *and* over confident, but I'm also amusing.
John Mongan is funny and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.
You're interested in athletes?
Great!
John Mongan has played more sports - 47 - than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.
You think I can pay for your school?
Don't be too sure.
I've got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan?
Why not do it right now?
Sincerely, John Mongan P.S.
If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, 'John Mongan: What a Guy!'
just ask.


A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: 'Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?'
Dad: 'Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights.'
Boy: 'So, why do they make packs of three?'
Dad: 'For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.'
Boy: 'Then why do they make packs of 12?'
Dad: 'Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March.'


Sick Notes.
These are real notes written by parents in an Alabama school district.
Spellings have been left intact.
1.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.
Please execute him.
2.
Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3.
Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4.
Please excuse gloria from jim today.
She is administrating.
5.
Please excuse roland from p.e.
for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.
8.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10.
Please excuse ray friday from school.
He has very loose vowels.
11.
Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday.
She had diahre dyrea direathethe shits.
12.
Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14.
Please excuse jimmy for being.
It was his father's fault.
15.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16.
Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday.
We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday.
We thought it was sunday.
17.
Sally won't be in school a week from friday.
We have to attend her funeral.
18.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the marines.
19.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
20.
Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday.
She was in bed with gramps.
21.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22.
Please excuse brenda.
She has been sick and under the doctor.
23.
Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever.
There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.





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