School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: 'The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you $180.
Are there any questions?'
'How much for a season pass?'


Guess why the bog eyed teacher is getting sacked A.
Because she cant control her pupils

One year in a strict school, all the teenagers started wearing lip-stick in school.
The school principal, thought this wasn't a problem, until they started leaving lip marks on the bathroom mirrors and walls.
After a couple of months, the principal thought it had gone too far.
So the she called a meeting in the girls bathroom with all the teenagers, and asked them to explain this awful behavior, the girls said nothing, so the principal asked the janitor to show the girls how hard it was to clean the lip prints off, so the janitor got out a sponge, dipped it into a toilet and started to rub off the lip marks.
Since then, there have been no more lip-stick-marks!

As a pre-med student at Washington University in St.
Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics.
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A student rudely interrupted to ask, 'Why do we have to learn this stuff?'
'To save lives.'
The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
'So how does physics save lives?'
he persisted.
'It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school,'
replied the professor.

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas.
They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was 'Timbuktu.'
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate.
He stepped to the microphone and said: 'Slowly across the desert sand Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two Destination Timbuktu.'
The crowd went crazy!
No way could the redneck top that, they thought.
The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: 'Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two, So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.'

Being Observant A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.
He took out a jar of yellow-coloured liquid.
'This', he explained, 'is urine.
To be a doctor, you have to be observant to colour, smell, sight, and taste.'
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.
His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head.
'If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth.'

thier was this kid that always got picked on at school.
everyday his friends and kids that whent to school always said to him f**k you.well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
one day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant,so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
he yelled 'pah'and then his pa came out and asked what hell you want boy?
the boy said 'pah'
what does f**k mean.
and then his pah said son i think its time you knew what f**k mean.
pah then yelled out 'mah'
get down here son want sto know what f**k mean.
mah comes down stairs pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your posission.he turns to his son and said son you see that pink spot on mah.'uh huh'watch your pah go to work.
then the boys sister came in the door and says what are they doin?
the boy turns his head and with a smile he says they fuckin.
sister says what does f**k mean.
WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH'uh huh'
WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK.

Sick Notes.
These are real notes written by parents in an Alabama school district.
Spellings have been left intact.
1.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today.
Please execute him.
2.
Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3.
Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4.
Please excuse gloria from jim today.
She is administrating.
5.
Please excuse roland from p.e.
for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.
8.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10.
Please excuse ray friday from school.
He has very loose vowels.
11.
Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday.
She had diahre dyrea direathethe shits.
12.
Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14.
Please excuse jimmy for being.
It was his father's fault.
15.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16.
Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday.
We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday.
We thought it was sunday.
17.
Sally won't be in school a week from friday.
We have to attend her funeral.
18.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the marines.
19.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
20.
Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday.
She was in bed with gramps.
21.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22.
Please excuse brenda.
She has been sick and under the doctor.
23.
Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever.
There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Book Report Students were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic'
and 'My Life', by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories.
His professor had a sense of humor and gave the student an A+ for his report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over three hours to read Clinton: Over three hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...
ooh, let's not go there either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...
basically the same thing.




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