School Jokes
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School Jokes

This page contains 10 School Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best School Jokes first.

Book Report Students were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic'
and 'My Life', by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories.
His professor had a sense of humor and gave the student an A+ for his report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over three hours to read Clinton: Over three hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...
ooh, let's not go there either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...
basically the same thing.


As a pre-med student at Washington University in St.
Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics.
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A student rudely interrupted to ask, 'Why do we have to learn this stuff?'
'To save lives.'
The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
'So how does physics save lives?'
he persisted.
'It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school,'
replied the professor.


So George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one's been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions.
A little boy raises his hand.
'Okay, you,'
says George, smiling.
'What's your name?'
'Billy.'
'Billy.
And what's your question?'
'I have three questions,'
Billy says.
'First, why did you go to war without UN approval?
Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes?
Third, where's Osama bin Laden?'
George is taken aback.
'Uh, those are really hard questions,'
he says.
Just then the bell rings.
'Whoops, time for recess!'
George says.
'Guess I'll have to answer your questions when recess is over.'
After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says 'Okay, who's got a question?'
A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him.
'What's your name?'
George asks.
'Steve.'
'Okay, Steve.
What's your question?'
'I have five questions,'
Steve says.
'First, why did you go to war without UN approval?
Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes?
Third, where's Osama bin Laden?
Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early?
And fifth, what happened to Billy?'


It was the last day of school kids bring in candy stuff like that.
And theses couple bring in a leaky box so the teacher takes a lick'Is it wine'
no the kids say.ok I give up its a puppy miss.


Being Observant A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.
He took out a jar of yellow-coloured liquid.
'This', he explained, 'is urine.
To be a doctor, you have to be observant to colour, smell, sight, and taste.'
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.
His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head.
'If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth.'


A group of students had a biology lab.
As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope.
But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.
'Those are sperm cells.'


The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl.
After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then another student, named Bill, walked in and the teacher asked where he was.
He also said, 'Shree Hill.'
Then the third boy, Shawn, walked in and the teacher asked him where he had been.
And he said, 'On top of Shree Hill.'
Then, a girl walked in and the teacher asked, 'Who are you?'
And she said, 'Shree Hill.'


A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classroom observation.
He took out a jar of yellow liquid.
'This', he explained, 'is urine.
To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste.'
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth.
His class watched in amazement, most in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head.
'If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth.'


One day there was a boy who came home crying after school.
His father asked him why he was crying.
The boy responded, 'Everyone at school is making fun of me and my brother.'
His father said, 'Why?'
The boy said, 'Because of our names, why did you have to give us such bad names?'
The father responds, 'Because when your first brother was born I stepped out of the hut and saw two dogs shitting.
Why do u ask two dogs fucking?'





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