A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, 'Hey Willis, forget your troubles.
Come in and visit with us.
I'll help you get the wagon up later.'
'That's mighty nice of you,'
Willis answered, 'but I don't think Pa would like me to.'
'Aw come on boy,'
the farmer insisted.
the boy finally agreed, and added, 'but Pa won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host.
'I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.'
'Don't be foolish!'
the neighbor said with a smile.
'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon.'
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
Guy came home from church on Sunday afternoon with two black eyes.
When he got home he was asked what happened.
He told everyone that when they stood up to sing a hymn that the woman's dress in front of him was stuck up in her butt crack.
So I reached up and pulled it out.
When I did she turned around and hit me.
'So she hit you so hard it gave you two black eyes?'
No he replied, I just figured that she wanted it there so I reached up and put it back in her butt crack...
Their were three mountain climbers one found a lamp he rubbed it there poped up jenie the jenie said you three get each three wishes.One of the mountain climbers said 'I wish I could be an airplane'.
POOF he became into an airplane.The seconded said 'I wish to be an bird'.POOF he was a bird and flew away.
The last mountain climber said 'I wish to be a'.
Then he tripped over a rock and said crap.Then POOF he became a pile of crap.
A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant.
The assistant explains that they don't stock them.
The man insists that he bought his last one from this store.
The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item.
The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years.
The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.
The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety.
The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, 'Push up bottom to use.'
Your Age in Chocolate Don't tell me your age;
you probably would tell a falsehood anyway--but the Hershey Man will know!
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10) 2.
Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold) 3.
Add 5 4.
Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator 5.
If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 ....
If you haven't, add 1755.
Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number The first digit of this was your original number (i.e, how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are YOUR AGE!
(Oh YES, it is!!)
A woman is in line at the grocery store putting her groceries on the conveyor belt.
The rough looking man behind her is watching her do this.
She puts some bacon, some eggs and some milk down on the belt.
The man behind her says, 'You must be single.'
Confused, the woman looks at the man, then at her groceries, then back to the man and says, 'Well yes I am, but how did you know?'
The man replies, 'Cause your uglier n' sh1t.'
Alabama Dumb Laws- Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
You may not drive barefooted.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce.
However, this provision does not apply to men.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Did you hear about the leper poker game?
One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
The answer is 10:
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country!