You think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!
Did you hear about the leper poker game?
One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Their were three mountain climbers one found a lamp he rubbed it there poped up jenie the jenie said you three get each three wishes.One of the mountain climbers said 'I wish I could be an airplane'.
POOF he became into an airplane.The seconded said 'I wish to be an bird'.POOF he was a bird and flew away.
The last mountain climber said 'I wish to be a'.
Then he tripped over a rock and said crap.Then POOF he became a pile of crap.
A woman is in line at the grocery store putting her groceries on the conveyor belt.
The rough looking man behind her is watching her do this.
She puts some bacon, some eggs and some milk down on the belt.
The man behind her says, 'You must be single.'
Confused, the woman looks at the man, then at her groceries, then back to the man and says, 'Well yes I am, but how did you know?'
The man replies, 'Cause your uglier n' sh1t.'
There is an English man Irish man and Scottish man. The irish man is dumb they all find a magic slide. English man goes down 1st says, 'I wish for a pot of gold. '
He lands in a pot of gold.
Scottish man goes down and says, 'I wish for a pot of silver'. He lands in a pot of silver. Irish man goes down and says, 'wee weee'.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, 'Hey Willis, forget your troubles.
Come in and visit with us.
I'll help you get the wagon up later.'
'That's mighty nice of you,'
Willis answered, 'but I don't think Pa would like me to.'
'Aw come on boy,'
the farmer insisted.
the boy finally agreed, and added, 'but Pa won't like it.'
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host.
'I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.'
'Don't be foolish!'
the neighbor said with a smile.
'By the way, where is he?'
'Under the wagon.'
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S.
of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'!
If I was in a chat room and god started 2 pick on this guy called Steve that was in the room I would say 'Don't pick on Steve!'
and every1 else in the r00m would say 'I agree with that person'
then Steve would say 'Thanks for sticking up for me kid'
and Steve would PM me and say 'Come over for marshmallows and green tea and we can flame silly sausage posts in the forums'
and I would go over and Steve would say 'I'm really a zillionaire too and here's a zillion bucks'
and I would say 'Thanks Steve ya wanker'
but then I'd smile and say 'Just kidding Steve, just kidding.......'
Did you hear about the boy bubble who chased the girl bubble?
He wanted to see her bust!