funny texts & jokes: Bumper sticker sayings

Bumper sticker sayings

1. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

2. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

7. You! Off my planet!

8. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

9. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

12. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

13. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

14. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

16. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

17. Adults are just kids who owe money.

18. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

20. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

21. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

22. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

23. Earth is full. Go home.

24. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

25. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

26. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

27. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

28. You're so fat, the last time you went on a bus, the ticket read ''Please allow up to 28 days for delivery''

29. I've seen better looking butts in an ash tray.

30. You know you're a computer nerd when you know more IP addresses than phone numbers!


One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.
No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
Men read Playboy for the articles, women go to malls for the music.
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.