Funny Texts | 10 Funny Insults

"A hack writer who would have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tried out a few of the old proven 'sure-fire' literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy." - William Faulkner on Mark Twain

"He has turned almost alarmingly blond - he's gone past platinum, he must be plutonium; his hair is coordinated with his teeth." - Pauline Kael talking about Robert Redford

She was another one of his near Mrs.

The going got weird and he turned pro.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

"She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age."- Oscar Levant talking about Zsa Zsa Gabor

yo mama so fat that when she sat on an ipod it turned into an ipad!

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More Funny Insults:


Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.


All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?


Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.


We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!


Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!


I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.


Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!


YOUR MAMA SO STUPID SHE HUMPED A BEAR


Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?


Sit down and give your mind a rest.





One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
Try an internship! Internships give you all the experience of a summer job without the hassle of a paycheck.
Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.
Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?