Funny Texts | 10 Funny Insults

"If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog." - Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono


Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.


If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.


"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born"- Ronald Reagan


This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.


She's got more chins than the Hong Kong telephone book.


The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.


I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!


A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!


I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.


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More Funny Insults:


After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.


Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.


Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.


"The enviably attractive nephew who sings an Irish ballad for the company and then winsomely disappears before the table clearing and dishwashing begin." - Lyndon B. Johnson on JFK


Yo momma's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.


mes with me. mes with ur lyf


We all spring from apes but you didn't spring far enough.


Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.


The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.


yo mama you walk so slow when you reach to the moon it would be the end of the world





One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Love is like a machine... sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.