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Funny Jokes & Texts


A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The jerk called back!"

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Funniest jokes:

Trump: "Foreign Policy? If you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee!"
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Who were Jenna and Barbara Bush with when they got caught by the police?

Their uncle Anheuser!

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Funny Celebrity Baby Names
Erykah Badu and Andre Benjamin- Seven Sirius (BOY)
David and Angela Bowie- Duncan Zowie Heywood Jones (BOY)
Nicholas Cage and Alice Kim- Kal-el(BOY)
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes- Suri(GIRL)
Courtney Cox and David Arquette- Coco Riley(GIRL)
Bob Geldof and Paula Yates- Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Little Pixie(ALL 3 GIRLS)
Penn and Emily Jilette- Moxie Crimefighter(GIRL)
Frank and Gail Zappa- Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan(BOYS) Moon Unit, Diva Muffin (GIRLS)
Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe- Paris(GIRL), Prince Jackson, and Prince II [AKA Blanket] (BOYS)

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How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

Depends on how thin you slice them!

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One day two kids were wandering around near a stream.
One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream.
The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend.
When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away.
The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away."
The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."

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Last added:
"umop apisdn" is "upside down" spelled upside down with different letters of the alphabet deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

Did you guys hear the joke about the high wall? It's hilarious, I'm still trying to get over it! deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

"I just left my job." "I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me." "What did he say?" "You're fired" deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

A motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs: The Bikings deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house. deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?" "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja." deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

What's the tallest building in the city? The library because it has the most stories! deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres. deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

My friend was cold so I told her to stand in a corner. Corners are 90 degrees deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

Where did Noah keep his bees? In the Ark hives! deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.


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