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redneck Funny Jokes & Texts

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You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
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You might be a redneck if you think fast food is hitting a deer at 90 MPH.
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You might be a redneck if you lit a match in your bathroom it blew your house off its wheels!
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You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
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You might be a redneck if a capital home improvement is four tires and rims
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You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!
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You might be a redneck if every time you see a sign that says: "Just Say No To Crack," it reminds you to pull up your pants.
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If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women.
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Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?

A: A full set of teeth.

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What do you call 88 rednecks in an orgy?

A family reunion.

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Q: How does a redneck take a bubblebath?

A: He farts in a puddle.

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You might be a redneck if the roof of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
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You might be a redneck if you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kid.
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What does a redneck say before he gets injured? "Watch this!"
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Yo Mama so fat she fell down the grand canion and got stuck ! deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

why were guys put on this earth? Because vibrators can't buy you a drink deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

your mamma so dum she got loked in a super maket and starved 2 death deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

your mom's teeth are so yellow, that when she closed her mouth her stomach lit up deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American. deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims," may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony." The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: " no tanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!" deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the Den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag Him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My ex-wife" replied the hunter. deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." So, of course, he also fled. Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you." deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I"ve come to activate your phone lines." deze is heel leuk!deze is niet leuk.



more jokes:


The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation [ read more ]

Yo mama is so fat, her picture fell off the wall! [ read more ]

once there was a cuban, mexican,nigeran, and a whtie guy stuck [ read more ]

i had a really bad week last week, ya see my dog was ill so [ read more ]

yo mama so hairy she make king kong look almost bald [ read more ]

yo momma is so fat that when she sat on the toilet it said"abc [ read more ]

Why did God make farts smelly? So deaf people can enjoy them [ read more ]

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?Both offer [ read more ]

Why did the blonde go to KFC?She heard she could get a pair [ read more ]

BEVERAGESOn halloween night this vampire goes into a bar and [ read more ]

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was [ read more ]

There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived [ read more ]

You might be a blonde if you think a thesaurus is a dinosaur [ read more ]

f I cut off my right butt-cheek, will I be left behind? [ read more ]

TO: ALL PERSONNELFROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention [ read more ]

The difference between Republicans & DemocratsA Republican and [ read more ]

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk [ read more ]

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives [ read more ]

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem [ read more ]

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who [ read more ]

You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck! [ read more ]

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck [ read more ]

what do you do when your wife comes into the lounge and start [ read more ]

Secret ServiceA friend was in front of me coming out of church [ read more ]

Your mama is so fat, people use her butt cheeks as a ski slope [ read more ]


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your mum is so skinny she dodged the rain
you mamas so fat, the door bell rang and she went to the micowave
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Your mammaz soo fat when she jumped for joy she got stuck
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your mama is so stupid she traded her car for gas Money!
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