One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?

Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

Stop with the blind jokes ... I don´t see the point.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Hang one in the front!

'A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."'

After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened. She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

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More One-Liners:


If you can't say something nice, say it to your husband... he's not listening anyway.


And every six months, she would trade in her aging sheep for a new one. Because without a little lamb, Mary didn't know who she was.


The advantage of using a nailcutter is, you won't get scratchmark on your forehead skin and the disadvantage is, you can't peel off garlic skin.


What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.


Do you want to see something stupid? Look in the mirror!


Don't make me use UPPERCASE.


I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.


A wife can enjoy anything, until it's not my salary.


Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.


Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.