One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Did it hurt when you fell down from Heaven?

I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny.

Friend: "I don't want to bore you with my problems." Me: "Awesome, thank you."

Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, 'There's a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.

I'm tired of people assuming I've got a good personality because I'm ugly.

I've never played the bagpipes but I have carried a screaming three-year-old toddler over my shoulder.

Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind.

Nothing spoils the target more than a hit.

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More One-Liners:


Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.


What do apples and black people have in common? They both look good hanging from a tree.


I read a survey that said 82% of people enjoy being cuddled. But if the people on this bus are any indication, the real figure is, like 0%.


They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans.


What's the object of a Jewish football game? To get the quarterback.


Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.


My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.


He said "I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library." I thought "That's a turn-up for the books."


A hard thing about a business is minding your own.


Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.