One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Why the chicken cross the road? To look for his cock.

My Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up 'Wait until your dad gets home'. 'Wait until your dad gets home, we'll have a chat introduce you and see if he'll start paying maintenance.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

What does a baby computer call its father? Data.

Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing - you will not only regret but will also suffer.

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small.

30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown.

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More One-Liners:


I'm just looking for a nice high maintenance girl who uses the dogface on Snapchat, takes tons of selfies, and listens to Taylor Swift.


Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!


Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?


I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.


I was very naive sexually. My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months.


What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.


Wife renewed me for another season.


Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!


We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde".


I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.