One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.

Crash Investigations is my favourite TV show, I've seen every episode. Here's a tip for the new viewers: if the show starts with the pilots being interviewed... it will be a boring episode.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

What do you call a bunch of black people in an elevator? A box of chocolate.

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

How do we know the earth isn't flat? If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.

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More One-Liners:


I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.


He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.


You so ugly your mum ran up the stairs of the hospital when you were born and jumped off the roof.


He who hesitates is boss.


My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company...


You so fat that when you stepped onto a scale it said. Bitch I never asked for your phone number.


You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.


Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.


I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!


Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.