One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

I caught my neighborhood stealing my red food dye... When he was caught red handed he said "I'm gonna dye".

I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh.

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses!

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"

When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.

I came inside of her not because of the fame but because of the human life on earth.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.

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More One-Liners:


Before I never used to believe when scientist talk about men evolve from apes... But then I met YOU!


My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.


Man's appearance is not the most important thing. There are worse flows.


Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.


What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time no sea.


Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.


Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.


Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fucking me.


You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force.