One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.

I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: "Beef Jerky!"

Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror...

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.

You need to carry women in your arms; they will climb on your back by themselves.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

What's the definition of "Tender Love?" Two gays with hemorrhoids.

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More One-Liners:


You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving.


I got caught in police speed trap yesterday. The officer walked up to my car and said "I've been waiting all day for you " Well I said. I got here as fast as I could.


A warning shot into the head.


Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.


Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.


You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.


Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.


Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.