One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A Basketball player.

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!

Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? So they don't whistle on the way down.

Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.

Insects puns bug me.

I'll be doing a book signing today at Barnes & Noble from 2pm until they kick me out for writing in random books.

I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.

All pro athletes are 
bilingual. They speak English and profanity.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

I think, therefore I'm single.

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More One-Liners:


When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!


Why is a bra singular and panties plural?


Crash Investigations is my favourite TV show, I've seen every episode. Here's a tip for the new viewers: if the show starts with the pilots being interviewed... it will be a boring episode.


Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!


I've always considered myself more of a lover than a fighter. Which has confused a lot of guys that have tried to start fights with me. They'll raise their fists, I'll whip my knob out.


If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?


Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.


Putting your iPod on shuffle around your friends is like playing Russian roulette with their respect for you.


I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.