One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Someone says to his friend: "I bought a cat" And the other: "You have to be kitten me!"

The fantasy part of fantasy football is that 10 wives would all let their husbands out on the same night for the draft.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.

Is that a Higgs boson in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear? Thanks for the refill.

A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby." The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

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More One-Liners:


What goes up and never comes down? Your age!


Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.


The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.


In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.


A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It's called Nacho Mama.


Scooters and fat girls are both fun to ride. Until your friends see you.


What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.


Some people only gets called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.


Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?