One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Multitasking: screwing up several things at once.

Why do women pierce their bellybutton? Place to hang their air freshener.

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

The national debt isn't the only thing that's rising.

Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

What do I say if a Mexican walks by me and daddy? Say "Here are the tacos."

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More One-Liners:


At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.


Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.


"We're eating dinner soon. Don't fill up on homework." —Dog mom


Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?


If another woman steals your man, there's no better revenge than to let her keep him. Real men can't be stolen.


There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.


He's a few clowns short of a circus.


What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!


When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.


Doggies just call it style.