One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh.

Appreciate how some people don't come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.

Nutella: A reason to buy bread.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

I took a viagra the other day. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.

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More One-Liners:


Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


What's got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler.


Ever have sex while camping? Take my word when I say it's fucking intents.


My drinking team has a bowling problem.


I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: "I heard from this guy who told somebody ..."


Chem students do it on the table periodically.


If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.


Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.


Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.