One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2. Recording on an Australian tax help line.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Why don't blacks like Tylenol? They have to pick cotton to get to them.

You can have too much of a good thing: birthdays.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can't find herself a man. She doesn't like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn't like her.

Autocorrect changed Morning Run to Morning Rum. Change Of Plans, Guys!

I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

Last night in my dream I was peeing in bed. Dreams do come true I realized in the morning.

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More One-Liners:


I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.


Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.


Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.


And on the sixth day, God created man first so that he could enjoy a few minutes on Earth without saying the wrong thing to a woman.


Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it's probably shit.


The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.


I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.


New hangout for white racist... is in a box of crackers.


Easy to Easy is not easy.


Masturbating makes your dick smaller. Don't believe me? Asians have really fast internet. Africa doesn't.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.