One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.

I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.

She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!

Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's rested.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!

Kids, don't grow up... it's a trap!

You have more chins than Chinatown.

Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.

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More One-Liners:


Don't put a question mark where God put a period.


If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.


Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?


There are approximately 45 seconds between "I'll make us an omelet" and "We're having scrambled eggs.


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!


The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".


Why do white men stay with their women? They'll have a hard time trying to find another that likes little dicks.


I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward.


A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.