One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Dates a zombie: so someone finally likes me for my brain.

Math problems were invented by men, just so women would be wrong some of the time.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!

All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity.

Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

Love's a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.

I'm as bored as a slut on her period.

What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH

He's street smart. Sesame Street smart.

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More One-Liners:


Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.


What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.


What pants do ghosts wear? BOO jeans.


You: "Hey! What's your stomach fuel level on?" Student: "E! I'm starvin'!"


I got fired as an estate agent the other day. It was for selling the wrong type of semi.


Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?


What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.


Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.


Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.


My drinking team has a bowling problem.