One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

How can you tell when a Gold Wing rider is having an affair? His helmet doesn't match the passengers.

I was never great with girls but I have standards... I don't date ugly girls... I make them fucking ugly...

Drama: a word boring people use to describe fun people.

Love - is an extreme sympathy that leads to bed.

How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

When decorating your tween daughter's room, don't forget to leave ample space for half the glasses in your kitchen.

Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.

Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!

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More One-Liners:


I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.


My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's 100 on me and 500 on her.


Me: Real women don't care about romantic clich├ęs. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers.


Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.


A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.


Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.


Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.


I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.


Five days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park!


It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.