One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Where do sharks go on summer vacation? Finland!

If you feel unsure about a new haircut, ask a man if it looks okay. But ask him many, many, many times. Never be satisfied with his answer.

We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the "b" is silent.

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More One-Liners:


Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.


We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.


The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.


Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!


My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.


You're about as much use as parallel lines of a railway track. The only difference is the railway tracks take people places and with the way you are, it's no wonder you always end up going nowhere in life.


How do you start a black parade? Roll a 40 down the street.


The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.


Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.


Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.