One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"

What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her.

My friend required 10 stitches in his ass. He was trying to cut fart and the knife slipped.

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."

What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.

How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.

Interviewer: "Why do you want this job?" Me: "I've just always been very passionate about not starving to death."

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More One-Liners:


If you eat too much curry, you get into a Korma.


MapQuest really needs to start its directions on number five. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


You: "Hey! What's your stomach fuel level on?" Student: "E! I'm starvin'!"


Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."


If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?


You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.


My wife told me: 'Sex is better on holiday.' That wasn't a nice postcard to receive.


I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.


Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.


What do you call a owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.