One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Sorry, I'm late. I got here as soon as I felt like it.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

I wish I had a man around the house... to hand me my tools while I'm fixing things.

I'm rich; what am I supposed to do, hide it?

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Winter's coming so I'm knitting you a muffler. What size is your mouth?

Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.

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More One-Liners:


If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.


Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.


The fantasy part of fantasy football is that 10 wives would all let their husbands out on the same night for the draft.


You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.


What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.


My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.


Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.


Most turkeys taste better the day after. My mother's tasted better the day before.


If you're waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, 'cause it's gonna be a really long time.


I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it.