One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes.

Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

"Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

Does your head only have Udon noodles instead of a brain?

I'm pretty sure Twitter is the smoking section of Facebook.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Here, you can always find a party. Where I come from, the Party can always find you.

Loltard: Someone who uses 'lol' too much.

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More One-Liners:


You so ugly your mum ran up the stairs of the hospital when you were born and jumped off the roof.


April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.


Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.


My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat, the more food we get.


Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.


What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.


Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed


Weddings and funerals are the same because I love going but I don't want them to be about me.


If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.


What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.