One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.

Why can't women read maps? Only the male mind can comprehend the concept of one inch equaling a mile.

If the koreans cannot do it, they will tell you that they won do it.

It's scary to think that people like you are graduating from college.

I may not be the brightest nail in the bucket, but at least I have a point.

You and Me = Grand Unification

Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.

Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called dads.

What did the pirate say when he found someone? I sea you!

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

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More One-Liners:


What color is a Nigger after you run him over with the truck? Flat black.


Ladies dating a short guy is fun until you can't find him at the club and you don't have taxi money to go home.


How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?


I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.


By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.


I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel, but it takes up too much space in my freezer.


Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.


I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.


I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for.


Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.