One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.

I organized a threesome for (NAME)'s last night of freedom. There were a couple of no-shows, but he still had fun.

What is a skeleton? Skeleton is a person who starts dieting but forgot to stop it...

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

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More One-Liners:


I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.


If i was the Grinch, I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you.


Have you noticed that all bottled water has the "best before" date printed on it? The water has circled the earth for four billion years ... but now it's ruined?


I once crashed into a cow pasture. I was in for a beef of trouble.


Boy: "Are you dead because it looks like you dropped from heaven." Girl: "Yeah I died I long time ago, just like that line."


Do you want to see a murderer? Kill someone and look yourself in the mirror.


What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


You're IQ's lower than your shoe size.


Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.


She asked if I had my shit together yet? I said of course, cause no one wants a man with Diarrhea.