One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

'Who the hell allowed me to be born in this stupid head?' a Thought said and killed herself...

Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs? The rest are hunting peckers.

Looking at my face is like reading in the car. It's all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick.

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More One-Liners:


I caught my neighborhood stealing my red food dye... When he was caught red handed he said "I'm gonna dye".


Please cooperate otherwise it gonna look like rape.


Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.


An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.


In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.


I have a lot of growing up to do. I realised that the other day inside my fort.


I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it, "Don't let horses perform medical procedures"?


NASA is sending traditionalist Christians to the red planet... Amish on to Mars.


The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.