One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

What is the thinnest book in the world? "What Men Know About Women"

What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic.

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone's throw away, in fact.

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Actually, I don't think you're dyslexic; just really, really stupid.

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More One-Liners:


Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant.


You seem like the kind of person who always tried to open the wrong side of the milk carton in grade school.


My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny.


I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.


How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.


Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Wait until it's born.


Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on.


Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.


Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.


Her love makes my world go round.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.