One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Actually, I don't think you're dyslexic; just really, really stupid.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching.

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.

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More One-Liners:


Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.


Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where saluting the moths of the year become more important than to salute your friends...


What do you mean, I didn't win? I ate more wet T-shirts than anyone else.


Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.


A wise dog once told me: "Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."


Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?


Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.


Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.


A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes". She took away the extra chair in front of me.


I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."