One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Sex to a man is like hunger. If he can't get into an expensive French restaurant, he will go to McDonalds.

Twitter is just LinkedIn for the chronically unemployed.

I'm a people person, but from a distance.

Swallowing your babies is fatal.

I have never worked out the moral to Humpty Dumpty. Is it, "Don't let horses perform medical procedures"?

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem."

My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that's how he lost his job in disaster relief.

Never trust a man with short legs... his brain's too near his bottom.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

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More One-Liners:


Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.


My friend told me he wanted to see Africa and experience seeing people of a different skin color... Later, I had to tell him KFC didn't count as a place.


Men mostly hate two words: 'not' and 'enough'... unless you say them together.


Coldplay is like depression you can hear.


Wanna play guns? Bend over and I'll cock you.


I'm not trying to boss you around just do what I say.


If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self?


The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything".


I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.


I think jokes about learning difficulties are OK so long as they're clever' is like saying 'I think jokes about blind people are OK so long as they're visual.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.