One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Screw the nice list, I've got you on my "nice and naughty list!

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.

What's a word that begins with a N and ends with a R you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

Why didn't the elephant buy a suitcase for his summer vacation? Because he already had a trunk!

If a woman gave in very fast it's not because of the man but the men that came before him.

You're a lot like train tracks, you've gotten laid across the county.

I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

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More One-Liners:


Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.


I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.


For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.


What dog can't bark? A hot dog.


Every morning is the dawn of a new error.


Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."


What did the chicken say when it got to the library? "Book book book book book book book..."


I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.


Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.


What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!