One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Their shaky hands!

The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Lately I've been trying to touch my toes, which I don't find so complicated, but my knees just can't get it straight.

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.

Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

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More One-Liners:


I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying


How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?


IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.


What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine!


Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.


I'm not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password.


How do Asians name their kids? They throw them down the stairs and see what kind of sounds they make


Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?


All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity.


If I was a squirrel I'd chuck my nuts in your hole!