One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do 5 Abandon 4 Lie 3 Cheat 2 Abuse 1 Forget to start the dishwasher

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Don't drink and drive because you might spill the drink.

The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.

You give me Epsilon, I give you Delta. Together, we find limits.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 (358) 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463

More One-Liners:


I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.


'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."'


I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.


My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.


My wife said she wanted a "fairy-tale romance," so I've locked her in a tower.


What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.


It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.


What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.


Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.


How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk.