One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women... in the same year.

My kid just called Child Protective Services because he still has an iPhone 5S.

What is the difference between a sperm and a lawyer? None, both have one in a million chance to be human beings.

You so ugly your mum ran up the stairs of the hospital when you were born and jumped off the roof.

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Someone told me a joke about transgender surgery. Took balls to tell it.

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More One-Liners:


The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.


May you never leave your marriage alive.


One-liner has 46.87 % from 17 votes. Vote:+1-1Tags: men, Valentines


Why do men like love at first sight? Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth.


When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!


An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.


When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.


I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


I'm never wrong! One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken!



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.