One-liners * 10 One-Liners

Here you will find more than 4000 One-Liners!

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job.

Are you the square root of -1? Because you can't be real.

Why do pills work? Because they're white.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'

Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'

Your smile must be a black hole, nothing can escape its pull.

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More One-Liners:


Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.


An idea came to the mind, and now she's searching for the brain.


There's a reason it's called "girls gone wild" and not "women gone wild". When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.


I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.


My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five.


How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.


Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.


THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


What are you going to be on Halloween? You'll probably be a vegan menu.


My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.



One-Liner Top 5:

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.